Hey everyone. It’s been a little while. Life has been hectic and although I’ve wanted to post on this blog many, many times, I never found the occasion to. However, tonight I had a really strong urge to post. Finally. So hey and welcome back.
Tonight was something really special. My soccer team played one of the hardest teams we are going to play all season. Aside from being a good team, their name carries a lot of weight and “fame” you could say, and adds intimidation for the teams they play. When people asked us at school who we were playing, we told them and they would respond with, “oh haha, good luck.” They already had it in their minds that we would get crushed as soon as we walked onto the field. That’s how it usually is for all of our sports teams against this school. We never win.
In past years when we played this team, we strategically played more defensively and passive, with our goal being to just not lose rather than to win. But this year, we were all in. Even though everyone else thought we would lose, our whole team went into the game with the mindset that there was no other option but to win. And we carried through. The final score was 4-1. This was a huge moment for my team, but also for me internally. It clarified something huge for me. And I want to share it with you all.
I used to be a big dreamer. When I was younger, I used to want all of these huge, seemingly unattainable goals, but no matter how big they were, I would somehow still always feel motivated that they would come true. As my mental health, confidence, and self-esteem declined, and truly just as I grew older and had more experiences of feeling let down and hurt, my dreams evolved to be smaller and smaller. I began to be afraid of what would happen if my dreams didn’t come true, so I just wouldn’t dream at all. And let me tell you- not allowing yourself to dream is not fun. And this is how I am now. I’m scared to dream big or want unlikely things because in the event that they don’t end up happening, I don’t want to have to face my own devastation and crushed feelings. I’m afraid of those feelings, I guess you could say. And most of all, I am afraid of putting my heart and soul into something only to have them be crushed.
I don’t know why I’m like this, and I wish I wasn’t. Because I still do want things. Big things. But I don’t let myself fully commit to wanting them anymore. It’s just a passive commitment. Like being afraid to fully commit to a relationship in fear of getting your heart broken. An “it’s okay if it happens and it’s okay if it doesn’t” type of thing.
Tonight made me question this line of reasoning more than ever, and made me realize how thinking like this has been holding me back. We took the most unlikely event – us winning against this team – and made it not only a goal, but a confirmed fact that it was going to happen before the game even started. We committed fully to the idea that we were going to win tonight. And we did. However, deep down, I felt very nervous doing this. I think in the back of my mind I was afraid of what was going to happen if we didn’t win. I was afraid of what feelings would arise, how this would affect the rest of our season, and more irrational stuff. And I realized I do that with a lot of things I want.
This really got me thinking and led me to some questions. First- if you want something badly enough, and by that I mean you will stop at nothing to get it because of your passion and motivation, is it even a possibility that you won’t achieve it?
And here’s another thing because my brain likes to think about what would happen if it still didn’t happen- if it doesn’t end up happening, maybe although I feel like I would be crushed now, I would really feel grateful in the moment. I would feel grateful because not achieving my original goal really just put me on a different, even greater path and would lead to something even more amazing in my future.
Achieving goals is really just a test of your mindset, and I learned that loud and clear tonight. If you don’t let an ounce of doubt even enter your mind, then how can you not achieve the thing you set out to do? As long as you keep your head up and your actions oriented towards achieving your goal, I feel like there’s no way it wouldn’t happen. It’s about constantly adapting to the challenges that are thrown at you and through everything, never losing sight of what you want.
I want to be the huge dreamer I once was. I don’t want to be afraid to have big goals in life any longer. I will commit myself to working on this. I’m not sure how yet, but I will.
Thanks for reading my epiphany of tonight. For some reason, I felt an unusually strong urge to share this thought. So, yeah. I did.
Now go out and dream big!
⁃ Avery
Mentally, I’m Here 